For Love (of the Game?)
Lately I’ve had this thought in the back of my head. It’s a recurring question being re-played, over and over, constantly. The question is simply this; Is what I do, church or ministry? Don’t get me wrong. I love leading worship and playing music. I love being able to play before God and forget about everything around me and just do what He created me to do; It’s my way of worshipping and grabbing hold of Him. What I’m talking about is the other stuff. You know what stuff; “church” stuff. I’ve been asking myself this question quite often over the last few days maybe even a couple of weeks. I’ve grown up in church all my life. I’ve been involved with worship teams, drama groups, youth groups and college groups and went on my share of missions trips too. I even went to a christian college for two years after high school. Anything that had to do with church I was on the proverbial “front pew” so-to-speak. I’ve even been on staff full time and part time at a few churches. I’ve learned to play the game; the church game. I know how to be a christian; which rules I can break, which ones I can’t; what makes the boss happy and what doesn’t; who’s important within the church and who’s not. When did this become normal to me? When did I become okay with this? Why is this easy for me? I don’t want to be comfortable with this. Music and worship have been a love of mine for so long and I find myself losing interest. I’m bored. I find myself becoming indifferent about church. I don’t hate it but it’s definitely not the same. I’m not blaming anyone at all. I understand my responsibility. I think I just don’t want to hear anymore “church-isms”. I don’t want to hear another sermon until I and others around me are doing what they already know to do. I’m ready to do something that has meaning and passion. Passion; now there’s a word that’s supposed to mean something but it’s honestly becoming a “christian-ese” phrase that’s thrown around more than the baseball in the previous movie clip. So where does that leave me? Nowhere really. I haven’t answered this question and until then I only know one thing; I want to do what I do because I love it. I want to do things out of love for God and love for people. I want to do it for love… NOT… for love of the “game”.
